My Boys

Under repair

So my horoscope last month said:A person from your past will come back into your life today, and their transformation will be remarkable -- but not necessarily in a good way. Give them the benefit of the doubt and do not jump to conclusions about what has caused the changes that you are seeing. You yourself have changed probably more than you realize -- so accept the fact that people don't stay the same. Give them a chance to re-introduce themselves to you. Keep an open mind.

Well I was back in Cebu for the weekend last June 20-22 to watch the much awaited One Voice Asia Unite event. It was such a great experience. Met so many new people and even had so much fun. Well I missed 1 person on that short vacay but I know she's somewhere more important that weekened :) <3>
Surprisingly, though he still seemed the same to me, there were some noticeable transformations. He was still the same stubborn, nonchalant boy I knew with the new haircut though, but this time he seems more fragile, more honest, much more responsible and I admire him for finally growing up. He used to be such an insensitive guy who only thinks about himself. He has admitted his vulnerability, and that made him more attractive to me than when he was being too unbreakable. I'm just happy that someone finally took my advice seriously and is starting to build his dreams now.
But I need space. I just needed more time to heal. Just a little more. He doesn't really understand this, maybe because he didn't feel the pain that I went through when we broke up or with what I'm going through right now, every time I see him not with me anymore..or coz I was the one who loved more and not him *ouch*.. Recovering from a broken heart doesn't happen overnight. And I'm not even heartbroken. I'm just... broken. So right now I'm trying my best to avoid him. I'll stand by my decision this time and be more stronger. I've always been so weak when it comes to him but I know I had to do this. This for sure is for my own good. What happened to us in Cebu will be the last and I'll try my very best not to make it happen again. I'm gonna stand up and move forward. What just hurts right now is not coz I don't have him, or not being able to see him again, or not that it ended so soon. What hurts is being betrayed by the person you gave your heart and everything to, especially if you were nothing but good to him.
So I'm going to have to wait a few more weeks..months or years even before I can completely, honestly glue myself back together, just like new. I doubt, though, that I will ever be completely "just like new" because this experience has traumatized me, that I know I will never be the same again. I no longer believe in happy endings or soul mates or even marriage. But maybe it's for the better. At least now, I'm less idealistic and more realistic. No expectations or fantasies... maybe this is the safest way to go ... right?

No time

I can't seem to find the time to write something here. Grrrr. I have so much to say, to write to share *sighs*

I'll be back to post a better long one :)

Take time to realize

"i love you an"

I don't think I've ever actually heard him say "i love you" to anyone before. And he's not the sappiest person in the world. So yeah, that made me cry...

Okay okay I'm getting too emotional all over again. Geez, he always makes me feel like this everytime he texts me outta nowhere with a 1 liner like i miss you, i want to see you ... and now this? *sighs* For real I really don't know what to think anymore. I thought I got over him.. about us. That it could never work out, that staying as friends is whats best for us. But why text me with this?

I just woke up and I checked my celly with 12 unread msgs from the usual people who sends me non stop quotes everyday and as always I deleted the sloppy cheesy ones. His txt was the last 1 I read...

whoa. wait. what was that again??? i rubbed my eyes to make sure I was reading the right words. And there I frozed, staring at my fone screen. Seconds later my eyes are getting blurry and tears just suddenly flowing. What took him so long to say this? Why just now, when I've decided to stop feeling for him and start to move forward. He is such a jerk for doing this to me right now. I didn't dare reply to his text. I just don't know what to say to him right now. Should I ask? Should I say I love you too? or should I just forget this? Stupid me, I deleted the text after staring at it for 5 minutes. I just couldn't take in the pain. Why pain when I should be happy right? Pain coz it hurts so much to know that he just realized now that he loves me.. "pala"

*big sigh* I've loved him ever since he first kissed me that night at their house, loved him despite his imperfections, his being stubborn and the insensitive kind of guy. I've fallen in love with him and that's not going to change for a long time.

So now I'm stuck with this song.. hahays... cry it all out tonight mirz..

Realize

by: Colbie Caillat

Take time to realize

that your warmth is crashing down on me.

Take time to realize

that I am on your side.

Didn't I, didn't I tell you?

But I can't spell it out for you.

No, it's never gonna be that simple.

No, I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realize what I just realized,

Then we'd be perfect for each other,

And we'll never find another.

Just realize what I just realized,

We'd never have to wonder,

If we missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize,

Oh, oh, I'm on your side.

Didn't I, didn't I tell you?

Take time to realize this all can pass you by.

Didn't I tell you?

But I can't spell it out for you.

No, it's never gonna be that simple.

No, I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realize what I just realized,

Than we'd be perfect for each other,

And we'll never find another.

Just realize what I just realized,

We'd never have to wonder,If we missed out on each other oh.

It's not the same.

No, it's never the same,

If you don't feel it too.

If you meet me halfway,

If you would meet me halfway,

It can be the same for you.

If you just realize what I just realized,

Than we'd be perfect for each other,

And we'll never find another.

Just realize what I just realized,

We'd never have to wonder...

Just realize what I just realized,

If you just realize what I just realized...

ooh ooh.Missed out on each other now.

Missed out on each other now.

Realize, realize, realize, realize, oh

Going back

Wow. Another blog. I haven't written or let's just say typed in a blog for so long now. I used to keep an online journal. Well I still have it but I haven't updated it for almost 10 weeks now, so that makes it more than 3 months. Hah, almost all of the high lights of my life back in the day are all written on that blog. I read one of my entries from year 2003 and it really made me laugh so hard that I was almost into tears. I was so young back then. I had so much to say and all I want to do is type all the way and share my thoughts on that journal. From the happiest moment in my life to the saddest and worst ones, you can find it all there in that journal. That was my crazy, insanity days hahah .. Hmmm. Whatever happened to me now? I don't know. I just stopped. All of a sudden, I don't want to type and say anything anymore. Or maybe there's just nothing to write anymore? Maybe.. but I guess I just got busy with life that I forgot what I used to love doing before I go to sleep or even start my day.. I miss blogging.
Well I'm still starting over again, here... and i think I'm gonna get used to this.
I'll write more soon.. but for now, can somebody welcome me back? hahahahha